Dear Neophyte Adult...why you're probably normal

Oh, to be 18-ish again…yeah right! In other, more mature words, you couldn’t pay me to be anywhere near the age of 18 again. Don’t get me wrong. I do have some fond memories within the blur of peer pressure, wacked-out hormones and endless acts of asserting my independence that is called “youth”. But, as you undoubtedly are aware, being a neophyte [1] adult is no picnic. In fact, it is one of the most overwhelmingly challenging of life stages. 

Marked by celebrations, well wishes and monetary gifts (cash hopefully), the gap between 18-ish into adulthood is vast. After the confetti settles, and you’ve wasted (I mean spent) all your cash gifts, you realize that well wishes aren’t configured to “auto-play”.  Apparently, the responsibility to make something of your self is all yours. Talk about pressure.

The manifestation of this pressure is typically within the form of stress and anxiety associated with the quarter-life crisis [2]. For your entire life as it may seem, decisions were made for you, on your behalf, or by proxy if you will…what classes you will take, who will be your friends, what you will believe, what you will do with future, what your interests should be, etc… You function as simply “another brick in the wall”. Then, one day everyone gives you money and the rug is completely pulled out from under your feet (AKA: graduation).

The next several years post graduation are transitory in nature and unsettling to to say the least. This can be a time of confusion and great unrest. According to Wilber & Robbins, specific characteristics of the quarter-life crisis typically include:

     ·  confronting one's own life purpose, or searching for a reason for living
     ·  a sense that others are doing better than oneself
     ·  insecurity regarding present accomplishments
     ·  disappointment with one's job, or lack thereof
     ·  tendency to hold stronger opinions
     ·  loss of closeness to high school and/or college friends
     ·  nostalgia for university, college, high school, middle school or elementary school life
     ·  re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
     ·  desire to marry, have children and live the “American Dream”
     ·  insecurity concerning ability to love oneself, let alone another person
     ·  lack of friendships and romantic relationships
     ·  boredom with social interactions
     ·  frustration with social skills
     ·  financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unexpectedly high cost of living)
     ·  loneliness & depression
 
If you can at all relate to any or perhaps all of the above mentioned characteristics, rest assured that your feelings are absolutely normal given your stage in life. The purpose of these pages is to create awareness (since you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge), and to impart advice on how to survive what might very well be the most difficult time in your life that you have experienced thus far.

So, you might be thinking to yourself, “who is this Paige Davis and why should I listen to anything she has to say?” Fair enough. As a college professor, I am always in favor of authenticating sources of information. After all, “any Joe Schmo from Idaho” can whip up a seemingly credible tidbit…if it’s in print, it must be factual, right (insert sarcasm here)? Well, of course not.

So, let me start by imparting a bit of schema [3] for you. In other words, let me share a bit about who I am and the inspiration for these words. The following pages have been a work in progress for my entire life, though I only realized this a few short months prior to the writing of these words. One day, the inspiration just hit me like a freight train (leaving a very large carbon footprint, no doubt) and I haven’t been able to stop writing since. Fortunately, I’ve been espousing these tenets to my students whether they wanted to hear it or not for years now. So, the words flow freely.

You see, I’ve been a teacher in some form or fashion for my entire professional career. I’ve taught early childhood, college students, and just about every other age group in between. My first “real” or legitimate teaching position (you know, one with a paycheck) was teaching third graders at Texas Christian School in Houston, Texas. I was fresh out of college and teeming with enthusiasm and energy…and completely unaware of what I was getting myself into.

Imagine me, so innocent, idealistic and utterly thrilled about my 12K a year paycheck…completely inexperienced and totally devastated after the very first day of school with my new third grade class. I can remember equating my students to a “tribe of wild Indians” (PC disclaimer for the sensitive: no disrespect to Native Americans, here…just being honest about the picture in my head at the time. I am in no way suggesting the generalization that all Indians are “wild”).

This was an incredible year for me. It was one of self-discovery, trial & error (admittedly, a lot of error). Through the laughter and the tears (both happy and sad tears), I absolutely fell in love with those third grade "Indians". They even sang a song at my wedding! Although I did not love my job, I learned that I could love my students for all that they were and for all that they would become. I know now that they played an integral part in helping me through my own quarter life crisis. I originally wrote the suggestions within as a letter and “gift” to these very 3rd graders the year that they graduated from high school. And, so it seems as though everything has come full circle.

[1] A beginner, fledgling and/or“freshman”adult

[2] Term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the late teens to the early thirties. The term is named by analogy with mid-life crisis. (Wilner & Robbins)

[3] Frame of reference